So, here’s the thing: you need to start treating yourself like the absolute royalty that you are. Crown on, scepter in hand, maybe even a cape, if that’s your vibe. Now, before anyone accuses me of promoting selfishness, let’s set something straight—I’m not talking about the kind of selfishness that makes you snatch the last slice of pizza at a party. I’m talking about the necessary, life-saving, "I’m going to take care of myself because no one else can" kind of selfishness.
Yup I Chose this outfit
Why You Should Be Your Own Number One (Hint: Because No One Else Is Going To Do It)
I’ve been through the wringer. From abusive relationships to toxic workplaces, I've had more red flags in my life than a communist parade. And guess what? I survived—mainly because I started to realize that no one was going to swoop in and make me their top priority. So, what did I do? I put on my metaphorical superhero cape (it’s reversible and looks great with everything) and became my own number one. If you don’t put yourself first, you're just gonna end up burnt out, crispy, and served as someone else’s side dish. And trust me, you deserve to be the entrée, baby.
Unsolicited Advice Is Like Flashing a Wiener at a Party: No One Asked For It!
Let’s talk about advice. People love to dish it out like they’re Oprah giving away cars: "You get advice! You get advice! Everyone gets advice!" Whether it’s about losing weight, getting healthy, or achieving enlightenment while sitting in a lotus pose—it’s everywhere. And much like candy on Halloween, the advice is rarely satisfying and leaves you with a stomachache. It’s like someone showing up to a party and dropping their pants in the middle of the dance floor. Uh, no thank you, we didn’t ask for that.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I love advice… when I ask for it. But unsolicited advice? That’s like getting a ‘surprise’ colonoscopy at brunch. So, pro tip: ask for advice when you need it, but ignore the uninvited nuggets of wisdom, especially when they come from someone who still believes pineapple belongs on pizza.
Success Isn’t a Race, It’s a Slow Dance in Crocs
As I sit here in a multi-million-dollar mansion (that doesn’t belong to me) in front of a TV bigger than my self-esteem, let me share this nugget of wisdom: success is personal. You don’t need to measure it by someone else’s standards, and you certainly don’t need to sprint toward it like it’s a 100-meter dash. Think of it more like a slow dance in Crocs—comfortable, steady, and a little bit ridiculous, but hey, you’re doing it your way.
I might not be making more money than ever, but guess what? I’m happier than I’ve ever been. It’s not about the numbers in the bank; it’s about the peace in your brain. So take a moment, enjoy the sunset, and for the love of everything good, stop scrolling through social media comparing yourself to your high school nemesis. (Yes, Karen, we see you with your MLM "success" posts. No, we’re not jealous.)
Be Selfish, But Also Kind—Like, Share the Cake, But Keep the Frosting
Here’s the key: being selfish doesn’t mean being an a**hole. You can still help others, share your knowledge, and uplift the people around you. But do it from a place of abundance—after you’ve made sure your own cup is full. It’s like sharing a cake. Sure, give out some slices, but keep the frosting for yourself. Because frosting is the best part, and no one wants to see you eating a dry, flavorless life-cake. Gross.
Final Thoughts: You’re a Unicorn, and You Should Act Like It
The next time you start feeling like you're failing because you haven’t achieved all your dreams by 5 p.m. on a Tuesday, remember this: no one’s jealous of the hard work it took to get there. They’re only jealous of the shiny stuff on the outside. But you’re not doing this for them, are you? You’re doing it for you. Because at the end of the day, you’re a magical unicorn, and the world needs you to be your best, rainbow-farting self. So, go forth and be selfish—in the most compassionate, kind, and utterly fabulous way possible.
And remember, next time someone gives you advice you didn’t ask for, just think of it like someone showing up in a banana hammock to your grandma’s 80th birthday. Nobody needed that visual, and it sure didn’t add to the cake.
Here is a wicked cool song to get you going for your next day of conquering your day and making it the best day ever.
“Hear everything, don't listen to it all” Todd Shipster
