Alright, let’s get into it. I’ve spent most of my life being that guy—the go-to friend, the fixer, the “responsible adult” who swoops in to save the day like some broke, unlicensed superhero. Need a favor? Sure, I’ve got you. Need a ride? Why not, I wasn’t planning on having free time anyway. Need me to listen to your 3-hour rant about how your neighbor’s dog is ruining your life? Of course, I’ll just cancel my plans to sit in my car and cry later.

But here’s the thing: being everyone’s everything eventually leaves you with nothing. You’re drained, broke, and one bad coffee order away from a public meltdown. And let me tell you, living like that isn’t noble—it’s just dumb.

The Convenient Friend Problem

For a long time, I thought being “the adult” was my superpower. Turns out, it’s more like being a doormat with a nice haircut. Convenient friends are like mosquitos—they’ll suck the life out of you and leave you itchy and annoyed. These are the people who only call when they need something: a ride to the airport, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold the metaphorical bag while they run off to their next drama-filled escapade.

And the minute you choose you—even for a second—they’re gone. Suddenly, you’re a “flake” or “selfish” or (my favorite) “a bad person.” To those people, I say: “F**k you and thank you.” Why? Because you taught me the most important lesson: I matter too. Also, being your friend was exhausting, and now I have time to nap.

The Great Purge (AKA, Quitting Booze)

When I quit drinking for two years, I didn’t just lose my buzz—I lost 99% of my convenient friends. And honestly? Good riddance. What I gained was the golden 1% of friendships worth their weight in gold-plated tacos. These are the people who show up just to hang out, who don’t want anything from me except my time and maybe a cold plunge challenge. These are the ones who laugh at my bad jokes, cry when I cry, and will probably be the ones sneaking me snacks in the nursing home one day.

My Partner: The MVP of My Life

Now, let’s talk about the real MVP here—my partner. She’s not just my support system; she’s the glue, duct tape, and superglue holding my life together. She knows what I like, what I need, and how to keep me in check when I start spiraling into “fix everything for everyone” mode.

She’s also the reason I’ve learned that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Without her, I’d probably still be running around like a headless chicken, trying to solve everyone’s problems while my own life crumbled like bad focaccia (more on that another day).

If you’ve got someone like her in your life, hold on tight. Tell them how much they mean to you. And if you don’t? Start cold plunging—they might just show up.

How to Be Selfish (In a Good Way)

Let’s get one thing straight: choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s smart. It’s like putting on your oxygen mask first. If you pass out mid-flight, you’re no good to anyone else. Here’s my guide to selfish self-care:

2. Do Something Hard: For me, that’s cold plunging. It’s like fighting a glacier, except the glacier wins every time.

3. Ask for Help: Newsflash: needing help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.

4. Celebrate YOU Time: Cook, write, dance, stare into space—just make sure it’s something you love. (And no, doom-scrolling on Instagram does NOT count.) And let’s not forget the golden rule: Be nice. Kindness costs you nothing, but being a jerk? That costs everyone, including you. If someone’s being a pain, hit them with kindness. It’s like throwing glitter at their bad vibes—they’ll be too confused to keep being mean.

Final Thoughts: Choose You

At the end of the day, choosing yourself isn’t about becoming a selfish recluse. It’s about showing up for you so you can actually be there for the people who matter. It’s about setting boundaries, doing the hard stuff, and finding joy in the little things (like nailing your focaccia recipe… someday).

So go ahead: say “no” when you need to. Take a cold plunge into your own potential. And never forget to tell the people who truly love you how much they mean to you. Life’s too short to waste on mosquitos and bad vibes. Prioritize yourself. You’re worth it.

“BE FUCKING NICE" Todd Shipster